By Josh Thomas
His hair is haloed in the sun slanting through the woods. We’ve been quite lost for the last fifteen minutes. He doesn’t quite know how bad lost can be, but he scented that we were going the wrong way. There has to be a word that I said, a shoulder movement that gave my slight fear away.
“Dad,” his high voice was sharp and tight, “Are we gonna find the way back to the car?”
“Of course, son, there’s no way we can be truly lost in a park in the daytime. See the sun through the trees? You know your cardinal points right? Which was is west, Jonah?”
“Well, is it that way?”
“No, it’s the direction towards the sun when it sets.”
“Oh, no, dad, the sun is setting? We’re gonna be out here in the dark?! Oh, no! Dad, dad! We’re gonna be out here in the dark?”
“Whoa, whoa,” I flipped him forward off my shoulders. His legs had gotten so long that he had to bend his knees so he didn’t kick me in the face. Still the flip went smooth. We were well practiced at the little flip off the shoulder move.
I looked him in the eye, while he descended instantaneously into full panic mode. He brought his hands up to his chest like a nervous rodent. He began sobbing uncontrollably.
“Hey, now, stop. Stop it. Dammit son. Stop.” It took me a second to fight down the equally instantaneous wave of anger that wrenched my jaw-muscles taut. And there we were in an ancient cycle. His insanity was fueling my equally insane anger.
And that’s what crushes me until I can be crushed no more. How could I be so angry at someone so close to me, is this what I am finally made of? The smallest parts of me that can be broken down contain this mote of pure fanatical animal mindless hatred. And so it is with you. This is the heart of everything, every bad thing.
